Failure 😕😔😢

 

Reflection on 9/26/18:  Today I feel as though I failed.  The enemy tells me I suck at being a Christian.  Why would God continue to give me opportunities to share the Gospel if I’m just going to ignore Him?

close up photo of woman with her hands tied with rope
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

I know it is the will of God that we share the Gospel.  I know that there are millions of people who need to know Christ as their Savior and we should not pass up any opportunity to share the good news about Jesus.  I’ve been trying to share that with my family-but family can be a really tough crowd.  I have also looked for and have prayed (from time to time) for other opportunities.  I’ve even taken a couple of them…but not today.

Today I walked into a Subway for lunch.  It was kind of a last minute plan.  I got a craving for one of their breakfast sandwiches…flatbread, yellow egg, ham, bacon and pepper jack cheese heated up then topped with fresh spinach, black olives, banana peppers and just a little red onion and some salt and pepper.  I don’t eat the flat bread but it’s easier for them to heat it up that way.   I just fold the egg up like a taco with all the stuff inside and wah-lah!  A delicious Keto-friendly lunch.  As I walked into Subway there was a man sitting to the left at a table all by himself.  I can’t know if he was a Christian or Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist, maybe he was an Atheist, who knows?  He had dark skin and dark eyes like someone from the Middle East.  I don’t know.  Immediately I felt like I need to share the Gospel with him.  It was weird and kind of crazy and I thought, “That’s silly, why would I do that?”  Of course I know why…because we all need Jesus!  But you know how those conversations go inside your head?  “He’s eating his lunch…he’s a stranger…he’ll think I’m stereotyping him…he’ll think I’m weird…everyone will hear me…it’s a small store…” Bam!  I was bombarded with tons of reasons NOT to share the Gospel.

The problem is I try to stop thinking about it because I didn’t come here to do that…but the thoughts won’t go away.  I try to reason with myself, or is it the Lord?  Because now I’m not sure.  I say (in my head) to Him, “I can’t do that right now, not with him, not here…” I sat down at my table to eat and still the thoughts are coming.  By now I’m telling myself these thoughts are only coming because I’m thinking about it and I’m the one keeping it up not the Lord.  I try to quit thinking about it but I can’t.  So now I say (again, in my head) to the Lord, “Okay, if you want me to talk to him, let him come over to say something to me.  If he comes over to my table, I will share the Gospel with him.”  At the same time I start thinking, “Okay, I could get up and go out to my car and get one of those flyers for the Revival service tonight at the little Baptist church by my house, and if he walks out while I’m out there I’ll say something to him.  But he starts preparing to leave, picking up his mess at his table, so I don’t do anything.  He doesn’t look my way or come over to my table, he just goes out to his car which is parked right beside mine.  Then he sits in his car for what seems like a very long time but was likely only a minute,  and then he pulls away.  My opportunity is gone forever.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it.

  • What if it was the Lord and I missed an opportunity to share Christ?
  • What if he was contemplating suicide?
  • What if he had been thinking, “God, send someone who will tell me You are real.”
  • What if…

My heart is breaking right now knowing I missed an opportunity.  I hear both the enemy condemning me and the Holy Spirit convicting me.  Condemnation says I’m a bad Christian-not worthy of God’s forgiveness.  Conviction says, “Why don’t you trust me? What are you afraid of?”

Jesus says His sheep hear His voice and another they will not follow.  I know I hear His voice; why do I question myself?  Why do I question Him?  Why do I let the fear of man stop me?  What am I really afraid of?  Part of me thinks, like with my family, I’m afraid they will ask me a question I can’t answer.

Father God, I know You love me.  I know You are patient with me.  I know You have given me the desire to serve You and to share the Gospel with lost people.  I’m sorry for how I fail to do these simple things sometimes.  Please help me to grow stronger in my faith and in knowing that You are the one leading me and You are the one who will get the glory.  Please don’t give up on me.

Reader, can you relate to this?  Any suggestions on how to move forward?


23 thoughts on “Failure 😕😔😢

  1. It’s not an easy thing to do for alot of us. Some have that knack to strike up a conversation about God. While some are hesitant. Yes it’s all of our responsibility. I had a failed attempt with a hitchhiker recently. One of the comments had advice that I pray I get an another opportunity to see that hitchhiker again and tell him then about jesus. This will take the heavy load off your shoulders.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Thanks for that! It does help to know I’m not alone in this. Thank God for His patience and His great mercy! I left there praying He would send another person in his path yesterday…or for him to be in mine again.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Also have you thought about using Gospel Tracts? I was out in public and was in the checkout with people I know I had a shirt on that said Do You Believe? which is the name of a Christian movie the cashier asked me about the shirt if I remember right I think I mumbled it’s a movie or Christian movie I didn’t say much later I was like why didn’t I share the Gospel with that person this happened last Christmas.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yep…I understand. I believe we have to pray about those missed opportunities just like we pray to be given opportunities to witness. My current prayer for myself, for you and for all Christ followers is to be given boldness to proclaim the truth in a way that will honor God and how He has saved us. I also believe that the fact that we have the desire to do just that is a desire given to us by our Heavenly Father and He knows just how to get us to where we need to be. As long as we keep seeking Him and His righteousness we will continue to grow in faith and in truth and in desire to share with those who are still lost.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Not at all! I’m grateful that you shared. Thank you. We are all hit with these same opportunities…learning to stand strong I believe is a process. Being able to discuss the ways we succeed as well as the ways we fall short is all part of the process. We aren’t alone…we can help build each other up. Thank you brother!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve experienced this so many times. You’re not a failure. Keep praying and maintaining your relationship with the Lord. The more you love Him, the bolder you will become. Keep talking to Him about it. Fear and uncertainty is a struggle. But the more we love Him, He can help us overcome.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Thanks for reaching out with this, Jackie. We all need to witness to the lost more than we do. I’ve shrunk back at good opportunities. The Lord lifts us up and encourages us to press on. Tracts used to be a very popular way of sharing the Gospel, but it’s definitely not encouraged these days at the megachurches. I recently bought some tracts from Crossway and also 500 address labels printed with our church’s address that I affix to the tracts. Just an idea.
    https://www.crossway.org/tracts/

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Jackie, you are not a failure. God is training you. Next time you will have more courage, the Lord will give it you. We have a group of five women that go out once a week to witness in the street. Many times a person walks pass me, I know I should reach out but fear takes over, Lately I am praying more and stepping out in faith.
    Be encouraged!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Crissy! I am being encouraged because of each of you who have commented. I’m so grateful for His kindness and His patience! Yes, I do believe He is training me. Thank you for sharing here. God Bless you and your friends who are being brave in the streets…may He continue to give you all courage as well! 🙏

      Liked by 2 people

  5. As others have stated, we are all in the same boat or have had similar experiences. Just keep sowing seeds, Jackie. That’s all God expects of us. He will water them, and if those seeds landed in fertile soil – meaning in a heart that is receptive and open – then they will grow.

    The evil one wants you to feel like a failure, not God. Do not give him the victory, for that belongs to the Lord. You will miss opportunities every day of your life. We all do. Just keep loving the Lord the way you do and set an example through your living that shows you are a follower of Christ.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Stu, I’m so honored that you chose my blog about failure as one of your top picks. In thinking about this I am intrigued that my “feelings” always seem to point out my sense of “failure” but in reality, before I was saved I never even thought about praying with people or sharing the gospel with them! We are so hard on ourselves…the enemy knows just the right buttons to push, doesn’t he? I’m glad the Holy Spirit is my teacher now. He leads me into all truth. And the truth is, my heart has been changed. I now desire the things of God and my life is beginning to show the fruit of that albeit imperfectly. 😉

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  6. Jackie, I clicked here from Stuart’s Picks. 😊
    Ugh – I like it SO MUCH BETTER when obedience is easy! Sometimes we have promptings from God that we willingly and joyfully pick up and run with. Lots of times we drag our feet. Sometimes we don’t even get out of our seats. God has no scales for us. He knows how it’s all going to turn out. He knows how we feel. He’s teaching us obedience, and loves it when we look to Him for comfort, guidance, and strength.

    Liked by 1 person

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