Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened unto you.
I love when I am aware of just how connected I am to God…
The other day while driving I was worshiping God; singing the tune Good, Good Father and thanking Him that He is, and for all He has done in my life. Then out of the blue, I just asked Him to reveal any areas of darkness that remain in my heart; any open doors where the enemy can gain a foothold. I don’t even know why I asked that, but while I was asking that another thought came to me: As a good, good Father this should be a question I can ask and get an answer to right away. This is important! I don’t want to wait and wonder. I just want to be able to ask and receive! (I want what I want, when I want it…oh dear) Almost immediately, as I was thinking about how to stress my point to my Heavenly Father (like He didn’t know). I was already “feeling” rejected, like He wouldn’t answer me right away. See how the heart deceives…and in just a moment (Father forgive me). This really shouldn’t come as a surprise, the bible says, in Jeremiah 17:9…The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Not me!
So anyway, this all occurred in a split second…and at the same moment, I looked up to see a billboard…
Wow…talk about FAST! That’s what I call Holy CONVICTION!!!
The thing is, I wouldn’t have thought of greed. I actually believe I am a fairly generous person. Ever since my “Come to Jesus” meeting with…ummm, Jesus…I have let Him lead me and I have followed. I’ve given my things away, given my car away (ok so the transmission went out…but I donated it to Kars for Kids), I quit my job and committed a year of my life to a mission field. So, I gotta say…I haven’t really been feeling all that greedy! Oh, but God…His thoughts are higher than my thoughts…and I believe He is showing me just how greedy I am…and how I need to: learn the truth.
I don’t know about you, but when I think of the word greed I get a picture of someone who takes and takes and never gives back. Someone who hoards or is stingy with what they have. But perhaps I have wrong thinking…
…a simple Google search of the word “greed” sheds more light on this subject and I am reminded that things aren’t always what they seem and sin goes MUCH deeper than we often understand. Greed is desire…and He is a jealous God.
By seeking to learn the truth, I find that I actually do have a darkness I can attribute to greed. Greed is desire and I actually still have many desires. I believe I began this journey with my Lord and Savior with my true desire being to draw closer to Him and to follow Him. However, an honest look at this reveals many other desires ranging from wanting to stay in bed and sleep (even just 5 more minutes), to wanting to eat things that aren’t good for me just because they taste good. And what about how I frequently desire to have my own way, or for others to agree with me, or for control over any number of situations, or best yet…more “free-time”. These “desires” seem normal, natural and even reasonable by the world’s standards, but am I giving the enemy an open door? Is bitterness trying to make it’s way back into my heart again when I don’t get what I want? Thank You Lord for showing me where the darkness is. Increase my desire for intimacy with You. Increase Your truth written on my heart so that I know the truth above any lies of the enemy or my own flesh! More sleep will not draw me closer to you…none of these desires will! I want to desire ONLY those things that will lead me into Your presence.
So I knock on the door of true generosity of spirit, of temperance (which is moderation and self-restraint). I knock on the door of humility and of wisdom. I know that You, Jesus are the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through You (John 14:6). I ask, I seek and I knock…and while the answers may sometimes (ok, often) be hard to swallow, I thank You that You do not condemn me for my failures…but You lovingly show me the truth.
And then I hear my good, good Father whisper in my ear…”you are my beloved daughter, above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23